Healing from the Bonds of Betrayal StressNov 10, 2023
I was living in a different country, had one friend, and no family around me when I fully accepted that my marriage had gone past the point of rescue. I was deeply entrenched in the most vulnerable position I had ever been in my life, with the added responsibility of holding my daughter close, during the torrents of change that we were embarking on.
I separated from my husband, but remained living in the same house. No one fully knew the situation as I placed all my energy into beginning an external restructure plan to rebuild a life for me and my daughter. I worked around our schedule and attended to the most important job of all, being a mom while forming a secure base for my daughter.
When we moved from the house, I handed my ex the easiest divorce of all times. I fought for nothing − only an average monthly sum to help financially support my daughter (which, of course, he stopped paying after a couple of years). I choose peace and freedom of movement back to the USA, instead of long-haul arguments over possessions, properties, and pensions. He agreed to all without any objection.
I had begun putting my nursing qualification and intuitive healing abilities to work and became a Craniosacal Therapist. The training was intense. I was not aware nor resourced to deal with everything that my body remembered, but I did not.
Years of betrayals, not just by my ex-husband, but those of a dangerous neighbor, an uncle, a deeply disturbed teacher, my father, and a brother of a friend had left somatic emotional scars and memories that slowly over time began to overwhelm my nervous system.
I continued with the training and established a business that worked for me and my daughter. I showed up as a stable, happy mother, therapist and yoga teacher.
It is truly amazing how well we can cope − until we don't!
The band-aids brought me to better times. My daughter was growing and I had slowly developed a solid new relationship with a sober, loving, strong partner by my side.
Eight years along, I was breathing deep sighs of relief while feeling held by the arms of my inner beliefs in true love. I was letting go and sharing the responsibilities of single parenting while trusting deeply in my new relationship. The irony of it all is that my heart and body fell out of agreement.
My trusting heart was moving forward, but my body’s inner surveillance system overpowered me and began to pull me back.
**It is so important to attend to your physiology before psychology, as it will win every time.**
"You cannot use thinking solutions for physiological issues." (Dr. Andrew Huberman)
Inside I was beginning to literally shake underneath the true toll of all the betrayals. Anxiety began to take a firm foothold in my body and my nervous system eventually said “enough” as full on panic entered every domain of my being.
Thankfully I had some awareness of what was happening and tools on board to get me through the day. But deeper work on my nervous system had to be done to fully break the bonds of betrayal and relieve their burden on my biology. Talk therapy, although a little helpful, fell short.
I needed to take firm hold of the reins of my nervous system and slowly regain its trust as I began living life in the present and not from the intrusive reminders from the past.
I know this:
Everything in life is better when you have your nervous system on board.
What I needed was a complete nervous system overall and indeed that is what I did. I pulled all my knowledge together from nursing to craniosacral therapy, yoga, the vagus nerve, poly vagal theory, gut health and basically taught myself how to reclaim my physical, mental and emotional health, stability and well-being.
Self-study is the most beneficial study of all: know yourself well, know your nervous system well. It's your best ally when healing the bonds of betrayal.
Do you need to heal the bonds of betrayal?
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Let’s have a conversation on how I may be able to help you.
In the realm of healing, there lies a challenge—a journey into the depths of the unseen. The nervous system, a complex web of intricacies, often harbors uncharted territories that when managed in informed ways help release what is unprocessed yet remembered by the body. It takes immense courage to turn our gaze inward. Attend to the shadows and ease the fear of feeling.
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